Friday, September 28, 2012

Missed in Action

It's been forever seen I've made a post on this blog. Reasons- I'm not entirely sure but I believe that my perspectives are a bit different. I recently started another blog Caught between a Cream and Curl and I've most been there on that side. I'd love to maintain both blogs and I'll do my best. Thank you for all the followers who still stayed even in my absence.

I just now need to be inspired. HMMM

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

New Mindset

Has a child growing up, I didn't believe there was anyone as shy as I was. What made trying to be myself so difficult were the strange faces people gave me when I spoke. I thought I was an alien or I was placed in the wrong side of the world. That insecure and pessimistic puppet lived in me, he controlled me, and I believed I was nothing.

November 07'
Being me was never easy, opening up, letting go, was never an option.  
A closed box in the dusty dark tower
arising, waiting, taunting
for light.
Being me was never easy, a box in a corner begging for a new routine,
wondering if this is for real.
My nightmares are in reality, my daydreams an unopened 
closet which hates me everyday.
No thought of joy or peace in here,
NO.
No joy in a box
No joy being me and it will never be easy 
No never
for 
me
When I look back there's one thing I would have changed, one important thing. That my father was never a slave to alcoholism but then again I believe his mistakes have made him a better man and a better father. I now believe that everything happens for a reason, everything has a purpose and we all have a destiny. I appreciate how the trees toil and smile in the burning sun. I appreciate how the clouds don't try has hard to get our attention. I appreciate who I have become and not who I could have become. I appreciate life, faith and hope. I appreciate integrity, thank you for a new mindset.

Written by Blue_Gurl

Friday, January 27, 2012

Buzzed

I'm a little bit brain buzzed, no, not from alcohol just a tired buzz. Back in school with important assignments to be done and I know they'll get done. No matter how 'some' ppl try to get in the way.

I like to have something substantial to post on my blog but today I got nothing. Today I tried to draw again (something that I haven't done in a while) and it was pretty difficult, seems like I'll either have to relearn or just practice some more. I love drawing and writing poetry but these days it's almost as though that drive or flame that was once there isn't as hot as it was before. It's almost like they got left behind when other bags came along, and I don't want them to be left behind.

I don't want to be left behind.

What passion have you left in the past?

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Much Much Much more

So we went out to the river today, just to relax and such. It was fun to just be free, and not worry about anything for a little while. I've been gone for a second but you know life can sometimes be quite busy.


  I wanted to give you a sneak peek of things to come in terms of
the blog. Check out a few pictures I took today, this is just a small taste. See yah in the next post.









This is a tree in the waters of Salt River, Jamaica. The other picture was taken on our way back home. 

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

I Wanna Be Better

Better not only for myself, but for those around me. People sometimes never understand what it's like being you, and make you feel low for jamming to the beat of your own drums.

It gets better, always believe.

RISE above the HATE





Thursday, October 20, 2011

SMH*

Why is it that the minute you are up, even if it's for only one minute something always comes and wacks you in the face?

Sigh.
Letting you feel much worse than you've ever felt. I was embarrassed today in my Math class. Embarrassed in front of a bunch of eleven graders.

First I thought I'm never coming back to this stupid class again ~_~

Someone even made fun of my hair but I wasn't offended by that none the less. I was embarrassed because the teacher knew that I couldn't complete the equation yet he insisted that I take the marker. I'm not afraid of math but I have to be relearning it since I haven't done it in over a year (in pre-university now). So I was almost completely clueless standing at the chalkboard. I guess it's just that I'm a little bit ashamed of being older than these kids and I didn't know what to do. I'm not mathematically disabled but I'm more of an English/Literature and Science student. I'm good in English and my sibling is good in Math, go figure.

Sigh

Math, hope you had a good day

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Nervous? Nah not so much

I've always had a problem with speaking in front of people especially those I'm not acquainted with. Whether it's a speech, reading some notes, quoting a poem, I would shake like a leaf and get sweaty palms. 
Nobody likes that eh? Ha


My heart would beat extra fast, and I would only end up chewing up my words instead of saying them. Tears now almost flooding my eyes, YES, it was that bad. I hated group presentations and anything whatsoever that required me to put myself in front of people.

Ha I even cried( well sniff" more like bawled) when I read the Bible for the first time at church. I see you laughing at me yah yeah hmm @_@

But....

Surprisingly, I had a presentation for my Sociology class today and jumped right off my chair cause man was I "ready". I started getting a bit nervous when I saw a few people yawning and stumbled over only one word (happy dance) and just made a silly face at myself. The class busted into laughter, you should have seen my face. You think the Grinch's smile was huge ahh you didn't see how big my heart smiled earlier today.

My classmate said she was so proud of me. She said, "You've improved."
lol

I've been yearning for confidence these days, and I realize that the smaller things got to be fixed first.

Confidence doesn't grow over night, you gots to water that baby.

I know my prayers will be answered though, not when I want it but..


when, the time is right.

God Bless you