Thursday, October 20, 2011


Why is it that the minute you are up, even if it's for only one minute something always comes and wacks you in the face?

Letting you feel much worse than you've ever felt. I was embarrassed today in my Math class. Embarrassed in front of a bunch of eleven graders.

First I thought I'm never coming back to this stupid class again ~_~

Someone even made fun of my hair but I wasn't offended by that none the less. I was embarrassed because the teacher knew that I couldn't complete the equation yet he insisted that I take the marker. I'm not afraid of math but I have to be relearning it since I haven't done it in over a year (in pre-university now). So I was almost completely clueless standing at the chalkboard. I guess it's just that I'm a little bit ashamed of being older than these kids and I didn't know what to do. I'm not mathematically disabled but I'm more of an English/Literature and Science student. I'm good in English and my sibling is good in Math, go figure.


Math, hope you had a good day

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Nervous? Nah not so much

I've always had a problem with speaking in front of people especially those I'm not acquainted with. Whether it's a speech, reading some notes, quoting a poem, I would shake like a leaf and get sweaty palms. 
Nobody likes that eh? Ha

My heart would beat extra fast, and I would only end up chewing up my words instead of saying them. Tears now almost flooding my eyes, YES, it was that bad. I hated group presentations and anything whatsoever that required me to put myself in front of people.

Ha I even cried( well sniff" more like bawled) when I read the Bible for the first time at church. I see you laughing at me yah yeah hmm @_@


Surprisingly, I had a presentation for my Sociology class today and jumped right off my chair cause man was I "ready". I started getting a bit nervous when I saw a few people yawning and stumbled over only one word (happy dance) and just made a silly face at myself. The class busted into laughter, you should have seen my face. You think the Grinch's smile was huge ahh you didn't see how big my heart smiled earlier today.

My classmate said she was so proud of me. She said, "You've improved."

I've been yearning for confidence these days, and I realize that the smaller things got to be fixed first.

Confidence doesn't grow over night, you gots to water that baby.

I know my prayers will be answered though, not when I want it but..

when, the time is right.

God Bless you